What being, "sorry but not sorry," means to me

By: Missy Wilson

I have allowed my mind to spin in so many directions over the last several weeks. Spinning from one thought to another and then back to the original. My brain has closely resembled the circus act where they try to keep 10 plates spinning on a stick simultaneously without any falling or crashing.

But my thoughts have been spinning to the point where I couldn’t stop them from crashing. I have tried over and over to make sense of all that is occurring in the world and I continually come up feeling like my mind is spinning out of control.

As I laid down to sleep last night, I continued to feel the nudging of The Spirit saying “sorry but not sorry." Over and over again I heard these words, but I wasn’t really sure what they meant, until I allowed The Spirit to speak directly to my heart. And here's what I got …

I am not sorry for being born into a white family, for being who I am. This is exactly who God

created me to be and I am honored to be His creation. BUT I am sorry if I have ever made others feel like they were not created in that exact same image. I have always tried to love people for who they are and never for the color of their skin and I will continue to strive to do this better.

I am not sorry for supporting the statement that "Black Lives Matter" because I feel it is an important support, as well as supporting law enforcement for the job they do to protect our communities, our children, and our families. BUT I am sorry for not standing up for those who haven't felt protected in the past. I can support law enforcement and support the statement "Black Lives Matter" at the same time. To me, they are both valid. Both have their place and both are important for all of our futures.

I am not sorry for adopting black children and giving them the family God created them to have. BUT I am sorry I will never be able to understand the things they have to go through because their skin is a different color than mine. I will ALWAYS stand with them, fight with them and allow them to feel as much importance in their lives as I have been able to feel in mine. I will have the difficult conversations with them and anyone else of color, in order to try to understand their feelings better and do what I can to stand up beside them, and NEVER in front of them.

I am not sorry for giving my LIFE to the people of Haiti. BUT I am sorry for those who don’t understand why. I cannot force anyone to understand or accept the call which God has placed on my LIFE, but I would ask for you to at least try to respect it. It isn’t your call, it’s mine! It’s God’s story written through my LIFE. It doesn’t have to make sense to you. I might not understand your LIFE either, but I respect you!

I am not sorry for realizing I have a lot more to learn in LIFE. BUT I am sorry for letting it take me this long to truly hear you, see you, and begin to understand exactly what you are asking for. I will commit to having hard conversations, looking beyond myself, and being willing to learn and understand more.

I am not sorry for being me. BUT I am sorry if you have not felt loved, cherished or equal to me, because of me. I will do everything I can to make sure I am standing beside you, loving with you, and fighting for you!

I will not always get LIFE right and for that I AM SORRY. But I will love you for the creation of God each of you are, and for that I will NEVER BE SORRY!